The power of a drift wood stick

A class of preschoolers sits with something like wonder and awe in their eyes as they pass a small driftwood stick. They don’t really look at the stick, nor do they hit each other with it, or argue over whose turn it is to hold it. These four and five year old kids practice circle process and appear to love every minute of it. It seems that everyone enjoys the chance to tell their story and that is the power of the stick; it serves as a visual reminder of who has the floor.
Processes create a space where people feel respected and safe enough to share. Sometimes when trust has been broken, a process with guidelines and a facilitator can structure conversation where trust can be rebuilt. Other times processes like these can be used to draw voices into conversation that would otherwise remain silent. Of course, the preschool class uses a simplified version, but here are some ideas behind this way of talking and listening:

• Circle process uses a talking piece. For many generations Native Americans used this action of passing an object to signify whose turn it is to speak. As the preschoolers say, “if you have the talking piece, use your mouth; if you don’t have the talking piece, use your ears.”

• Each circle needs a keeper or facilitator. Since the talking piece provides structure in who speaks, the keepers’ role becomes to encourage an environment of safety, respect and vulnerability through managing the process. Circle process encourages this through guidelines set in place by the entire circle, as well as beginning and ending ritual. Facilitators may speak without a talking piece but only to monitor the process.

• Circles assume equality among their participants. Though members of the group may possess varying levels of education, wealth, or other forms of personal power; each member, including the facilitator, has equal opportunity to share from their experience though no one is forced to participate.

• Circle Process works to build relationships between people through the act of listening to each others’ stories. Such listening takes time, but it becomes a gift and a sign of respect.

• Circle process can provide a setting for consensus decision making. Circles emphasize relationship building; however decisions can be made in circles using the process of consensus. Consensus fits well with the values of circle process including strengthening ties through listening to each perspective.

Whether a child, young adult, parent, or grandparent, it seems sacred to be able to speak without interruption and listen without thinking about how to respond. Even busy four year old children sit for a while, holding power in the form of a drift wood stick, and enjoy the silence before telling their story and respectfully passing the stick on to the person beside them.