Breaking the cycle of violence

This month the death of one man splashed across headlines, dominated conversations, and provided stimulus for celebration across our country. You probably know that I am referring to the death of Osama Bin Laden, the “mastermind” of the most excruciatingly traumatic event in the lives of Americans in the twenty-first century. I read articles celebrating how justice has been served, and that now nearly ten years later we can move on. I wonder though, if choosing revenge will really enable us to put the past behind us. Peacebuilding theory and lessons from history teach us otherwise. Trauma is not to be disregarded, but revenge re-traumatizes, spinning us in the cycle of violence, and throwing us far away from the healing we seek.
Those who experience harm and trauma often harm others and themselves in turn. Through our own repressed pain and emotion we strike at others, feeding the cycle and plunging ourselves deeper into our unresolved trauma. Think of aggressors throughout history, often there is a story of pain behind their offenses. Hitler with a difficult childhood. The Virginia Tech shooter and his story of loneliness. The United States, after 9/11/2001, went to war and celebrated the killing of Osama Bin Laden. With trauma comes pain and a desire for revenge, however, we do have a choice, and choosing revenge does not lead us to the path of forgiveness and healing.

It takes commitment, time, and work to climb out of this cycle of violence. Choosing not to harm someone whose actions caused you pain takes strength, much more strength than seeking revenge and thus allowing the current of violence to suck you in. Perhaps this choice is what Jesus referred to when he asked his followers to turn the other cheek and love our enemies. If so Christ asks us to break the cycle of violence.
Revenge is one response to pain, but there are many many others. Stories of people’s alternative choices give us hope. Guidepost (May 2011) told the story of Jason Hotchkiss whose wife died in a car accident. Jason rejected the usual forms of punishment for the young driver who fell asleep at the wheel, choosing instead to ask for a path of service, interaction, and relationship building – a path to healing and forgiveness. NPR’s StoryCorps told a story of a woman who forgave the man who killed her son (May 20, 2011). They met during his last years in prison. He saw her pain, she saw his humanity. He says she is teaching him to forgive himself. They both say it is hard. They are next door neighbors now and the story ends with, “I love you son,” words spoken by a woman who probably thought she would never say them again.

Sources used:

Nancy Good, At the Fork in the Road: Trauma Healing, http://www.emu.edu/cjp/publications/beyond-september-11th/2001/at-the-fork-in-the-road/

Forgiving her Son’s Killer: ‘Not an Easy Thing,’ NPR’s StoryCorps http://www.npr.org/2011/05/20/136463363/forgiving-her-sons-killer-not-an-easy-thing

Jason Hotchkiss, The Road to Healing, Guideposts May, 2011.