When I make bread I usually follow my Grandma’s recipe. Likewise when I make cheese I closely follow
directions. Even so, I have spent
considerable time over the last several years learning these skills. My poor family ate many loaves of flat, dense
bread, and cheese failures dubbed “unidentifiable white mass.”
So what’s the deal?
Am I just below average at following instructions? Perhaps, but I like
to think that the learning process took time because these skills, like many others,
are both theory and art.
Here’s an example: At
some point most cheese recipes tell you to heat the curd. What they neglect to
tell you is that if you heat the curd too fast, it breaks down creating paste
instead of hard or semi hard cheese. Heat no more than two degrees every five
minutes, theory says. I’m learning the
art of recognizing quickly approaching cheese failure.
Or take bread: Recipes usually tell you about how much flour
is needed, say 6-8 cups. Yet if you dump
that much flour in at once you have a mess!
Experienced bread makers usually don’t measure their flour. They add in a little at a time, let their
bread rest, and stop adding flour when it feels right.
I think that the act of doing conflict well in order to
further peace shares this trait of being, at it’s best, influenced by both
theory and art.
When my colleagues and I at Common Ground Conciliation
Services Inc. conduct trainings about conflict much of what we offer is theory
gleaned from social science:
We can tell you about
the conflict escalation scale as well as ways to increase or decrease it.
We can tell you about
the incredible power of real listening and some tips of what that might look
like.
We can tell you about
different styles or ways of doing conflict and times when each method may be
appropriate.
And the list goes on.
This theory is valuable information; yet knowing it isn’t
the same as living so as to further peace in the world around you. I can’t say
I am a cheese maker just because I know the theory of how cheese is made.
Conflict theory at it’s best isn’t something we can put on
or put off depending on what we think will benefit us most. To be most effective conflict theory must
cease being theory, and become a part of who we are.
Even though the outcome of what I make sometimes disappoints
me I am a baker and cheese maker. With
every batch I try to do just a little better, to learn more of the art.
Working toward peace through intentional everyday
interactions is the same way. We are never going to arrive because no conflict
is ever the same as the last. However, if we keep practicing despite our
failures, we can always get better. And, isn’t that part of the fun?
