Thanksgiving is just around the corner. It's a time of year when there are probably more people than usual in a small space; all of whom you care deeply about. It's also a time of year to look for recipes large enough to include plenty of family and friends. With that in mind, here’s a recipe for you:
Relational Disaster:
-
2 tablespoons problem, issue, or difference over deeply held
values (depending on flavor preference)
-
22 heaping cups of evaluation (“You’re Such A…”
or “You’re So…”)
-
17 generous dashes of interruption (“Yes, But…”
recommended)
-
¼ cup starter from last year’s disagreements
-
2 lbs. “facts”
-
1 ½ cup comparisons
-
7 teaspoons condescension – both verbal and
nonverbal
-
a quart and a half each of “you always” and “you
never”
-
1 ½ cup insincere praise
Instructions:
Pre-heat
the oven to 400 degrees F (fatigue). Begin with the issue, problem, or deeply
held value. Add, “You’re Such A…” or “You’re
So…” brand of evaluations combined with Broad
Generalizations and Name Calling
for leavening. By this time it should be
very clear that the problem is exclusively the other person. Beginning every sentence with “you” will help if the mixture falls flat.
Reserve some evaluation for later use.
Bring out the issues from last year’s
disagreements –
this starter will enhance the heat and growth of the situation. Refuse to see any other perspective, but
liberally add “facts” that bolster
your own opinion. Fold in “Yes, But” interruptions
until the tension is thick enough to stir.
Heat in a crowded place with
uncomfortable furniture, many people
listening and taking sides, and minimal
sunshine.
Sprinkle the table with half of the reserved evaluation, combine
comparisons with insincere praise, and knead into the
heated mixture using the “attack” method. Unevenly separate the concoction into “us and them” portions. Ignore “them” unless
you’re adding the spices of condescension,
“always,” “never,” and the remaining evaluations. Take this brew to another friend and complain
freely about the problematic person. Continue
until “they” no longer seem like a
person to you. Leaving this dough to
rest has detrimental effect on its growth. Bake until hardened.
Of course, it nearly goes without saying, the topping is a
mixture of broken relationship and shattered trust.
Warning: The explosive nature of this recipe results in
the addition of this recipe into every other aspect of life. Antidotes include: listening, thoughtful
articulation, respect, and empathy.
Use with caution.
I write this blog for Common Ground Conciliation Service. Check out the website at: http://www.commongroundcs.org/
