Has anyone called your attention to something you were doing completely unconsciously? I’ve certainly experienced this! One of my friends in college amused herself in a less interesting class by sitting across the room from me and counting how many times I “checked out.” My choice to mentally leave the conversation wasn’t a conscious one; most likely I didn’t even know I was doing it. Perhaps it’s kind of like personal appearance; I can be blissfully unaware of something quite obvious to those around me. Conflict provides us with situations where the behavioral choices we make have more weighty consequences than other times. Ironically, in those situations of tension and stress we, as humans, do what we’ve practiced most. It’s not that we consciously decide; I suppose one could call it “autopilot.” Choosing a path toward self-awareness means being willing to look at our own behavior honestly. This leads toward being present enough to become capable of conscious choice. Self-awareness isn’t just for our personal good though; being present in our own struggle can also give us more compassion for others in their struggles.
There are many personality-typing models aimed to help with self-awareness. For example, many people find Myers-Briggs useful. Others use the Gilmore and Fraleigh Communication at Work Style Profile. The option I have found most helpful is called the Enneagram.
It seems easy to become discouraged when we read about motivations and behaviors that look remarkably familiar or when we start to notice behaviors we hadn’t been aware of before. The goal of self-awareness is not to learn to see ourselves as hopeless, but rather to see our areas for growth. Those who work to put flesh on the bones of Enneagram theory remind us of the importance of distancing ourselves from our personality. We are not our personality, neither are we stuck in the behavior we’ve done in the past. These patterns are just methods of survival we started using as children and continued until they became habit. Noticing these behaviors in ones self is the first step to choosing healthier patterns. It is also important to stop thinking about certain behaviors as part of who we are. Otherwise, we merely arm ourselves with yet another justification for what we choose to do. The Enneagram observations are not meant to be a box in which to confine ones self; the knowledge is better used as key to greater health.
I can write about self-awareness. I can tell you about the tools I’ve found helpful. I can tell you about resources regarding this topic, but I can’t make you more self-aware. I plan to write several more blogs about the Enneagram and the patterns it points out. If you are interested, you decide in which personality description you see yourself most. I suggest looking at the Enneagram Institute website (http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/) where you will find descriptions of the nine types and a test you can take if you need a place to start. The Enneagram asks us to take an honest look at what we do and why we do it. Such personal observation is difficult, but it often leads to greater understanding and growth. Such growth proves helpful, not only for ourselves, but also in our relationships with others.
Source:
The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso, and Russ Hudson
