I’ve seen a role-play scenario that goes something like this: there is one orange and two people. Voices rise as each expresses his or her opinion; “I need the orange,” “No, I need that orange.” A pause in the debate allows observers to suggest possible solutions. What about cutting the orange in half? The participants agree that half an orange just isn’t enough, “I can’t do anything with half an orange, if that is all I get I might as well not get any at all…” We could buy another. Again the participants argue that their needs are urgent and there isn’t time for a grocery store run. The argument goes on; neither agreement nor compromise seems feasible until someone asks a simple question. “Why do you need that orange?” One confides that they are getting a sore throat and a healthy dose of orange juice is the only thing that keeps a cold at bay. The other explains that they offered to bring the cake to a friend’s birthday party in the evening and the recipe calls for the zest from one orange.
When we argue we naturally debate using our positions. Positions are the outcome we have subconsciously decided would best suit us. These positions are often made up of hidden agendas and incomplete information and can narrow the opportunity for creative solutions. In our hypothetical situation each participant’s position is that they need the orange. These positions are framed from our interests: concerns, goals, or hopes. One member of the role-play has the interest of staying healthy, the other the interest of baking a cake for a friend. Behind these interests, like another layer of an onion, are basic human needs. Every human has needs; physical, emotional, and relational. While positions in an argument seem mutually exclusive, interests only sometimes conflict, and in human needs people often find similarities. These needs drive much of our behavior, influence the decisions we make, and, if met for everyone can increase the chance of finding a creative successful agreement.
The language we use often determines whether the discussion includes needs and interests, or merely positions. Nonviolent communication suggests listening for others’ observations and feelings in order to become more aware of what they are saying and to gain a sense of the interests and needs behind their stated position. Reflecting what has been heard then allows for clarification if necessary and a greater understanding between those communicating. As seen in our story, asking the questions “Why” or “Why not” often give a glimpse of interests as well. Ask these questions in order to initiate conversation about the needs or concerns which back the position rather than to elicit defense of decisions. Taking time to reflect on and identify our own needs, emotions, and interests increases our self-awareness and our ability to express ourselves. Likewise, slowing down communication and asking questions in order to more fully understand others’ feelings, needs, and interests de-escalates conflict and broadens the opportunity for creative solutions.
Sources used:
Armster, ME, & Stutzman Amstutz, L. (Ed.). (2008). Conflict Transformation and Restorative Justice manual. Akron, PA: Mennonite Central Committee Office on Justice and Peacebuilding.
Fisher, R. , & Ury, W. (1991). Getting to yes. New York: Penguin Books.
Rosenberg, M. B. (2003). Nonviolent communication: a language of life. Encinitas, CA: PuddleDancer Press.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Stories
My family tells stories just about any time of the year but during the holidays, when we all get together, the story telling becomes more animated. Everyone’s slightly different account of the event adds dimension and stories grow. Sometimes the conversation ends with gales of laughter, and sometimes with a thoughtful silence. The role that stories occupy in personal health, self awareness, and group cohesion is pertinent any time of the year. As the holiday season draws near and people travel far and wide to be with those they care about, perhaps the importance of such conversation grows. While most people love a good story; theorists write of the social importance of narrative, and practitioners use story as a tool.
Author Israel Galindo differentiates between story and experience by explaining that creating a story involves putting meaning behind the experiences of day to day life. Tying occurrences, meaningless until made into story, into the framework of our beliefs and values teaches us lessons from our history and yet enables movement beyond past experiences into the present (Galindo, 2004 p. 128). The action of telling stories also creates a sense of ownership over one’s life. Telling the story of a traumatic event to an attentive listener, perhaps several times, generates a space where one can reframe the event and decide how this story fits into the broader narrative of life. The act of telling, retelling, and reframing in the presence of a nonjudgmental listener facilitates an important step toward healing (MCC Manual, 2008 p. 228). Story helps generate group health as well as individual health. Corporate memory acts as a cohesive for groups and the interpretation of such memory provides a valuable source of group identity. As members know, share, and buy into corporate story a strong foundation is formed for collective movement forward (Galindo, 2004 p. 127-128).
Several of the processes used by practitioners in the field of peacebuilding utilize storytelling. As briefly mentioned above, trauma healing embraces the act of creating story as a path out of pain toward healing. Circle process, a tool used by some facilitators for meetings where misunderstanding, disagreements, and strong emotion exist, bases understanding on the power of story. Sharing story creates vulnerability through which connectedness and recognition of common humanity can emerge. Such storytelling increases both self awareness and interpersonal connectedness and common insights for movement forward emerge (Pranis, 2005 p. 40). A third example, mediation sets aside a stage near the beginning of the process for storytelling. The obvious goal for this step is for the mediator to gain knowledge about the issue the participants bring to mediation. Underneath this overt purpose lies the opportunity for the mediator to gain trust and build understanding through careful listening to each participant’s experience and how they have framed a story (MCC Manual, 2008 p. 150). Storytelling, more than a child’s pastime or entertainment during family reunions, embodies an important part of living together as people. The act of story helps build group identity and cohesion, and creates a path toward individual self awareness and healing.
Sources Used:
Armster, ME, & Stutzman Amstutz, L. (Ed.). (2008). Conflict Transformation and Restorative
Justice manual. Akron, PA: Mennonite Central Committee Office on Justice and
Peacebuilding.
Galindo, I. (2004). The Hidden lives of congregations. Herndon, VA: The Alban Institute.
Pranis, K. (2005). The Little Book of Circle Processes. Intercourse, PA: Good Books.
Author Israel Galindo differentiates between story and experience by explaining that creating a story involves putting meaning behind the experiences of day to day life. Tying occurrences, meaningless until made into story, into the framework of our beliefs and values teaches us lessons from our history and yet enables movement beyond past experiences into the present (Galindo, 2004 p. 128). The action of telling stories also creates a sense of ownership over one’s life. Telling the story of a traumatic event to an attentive listener, perhaps several times, generates a space where one can reframe the event and decide how this story fits into the broader narrative of life. The act of telling, retelling, and reframing in the presence of a nonjudgmental listener facilitates an important step toward healing (MCC Manual, 2008 p. 228). Story helps generate group health as well as individual health. Corporate memory acts as a cohesive for groups and the interpretation of such memory provides a valuable source of group identity. As members know, share, and buy into corporate story a strong foundation is formed for collective movement forward (Galindo, 2004 p. 127-128).
Several of the processes used by practitioners in the field of peacebuilding utilize storytelling. As briefly mentioned above, trauma healing embraces the act of creating story as a path out of pain toward healing. Circle process, a tool used by some facilitators for meetings where misunderstanding, disagreements, and strong emotion exist, bases understanding on the power of story. Sharing story creates vulnerability through which connectedness and recognition of common humanity can emerge. Such storytelling increases both self awareness and interpersonal connectedness and common insights for movement forward emerge (Pranis, 2005 p. 40). A third example, mediation sets aside a stage near the beginning of the process for storytelling. The obvious goal for this step is for the mediator to gain knowledge about the issue the participants bring to mediation. Underneath this overt purpose lies the opportunity for the mediator to gain trust and build understanding through careful listening to each participant’s experience and how they have framed a story (MCC Manual, 2008 p. 150). Storytelling, more than a child’s pastime or entertainment during family reunions, embodies an important part of living together as people. The act of story helps build group identity and cohesion, and creates a path toward individual self awareness and healing.
Sources Used:
Armster, ME, & Stutzman Amstutz, L. (Ed.). (2008). Conflict Transformation and Restorative
Justice manual. Akron, PA: Mennonite Central Committee Office on Justice and
Peacebuilding.
Galindo, I. (2004). The Hidden lives of congregations. Herndon, VA: The Alban Institute.
Pranis, K. (2005). The Little Book of Circle Processes. Intercourse, PA: Good Books.
Monday, October 18, 2010
In Harmony
Not long ago I read a story which the author ended by assuring readers that the characters were living “in harmony” with one another. When used in the context of people relating with each other, this phrase hints at a metaphor. The language of music usually surrounds this word “harmony.” When I sing something other than the melody of a song, I am harmonizing; or one may comment on the harmony in a certain piece of music. Many people enjoy music: music they make alone or with others and music performed by another. Music speaks to people, bringing back memories, or affecting someone’s mood. Perhaps music can also teach us about interacting with others. Metaphors often show another perspective on a subject, so what can we learn about “living in harmony” from how we experience music?
A soloist, singing a tune alone can be awe inspiring; and unison singing where all sing the same note is beautiful in its own way. Often, however, I find myself missing the other notes that make up the chord. Many different parts sung or played together to make up one musical piece creates a special kind of beauty. Such diversity is present in most songs. With common knowledge about the song and the key a wide variety of notes can be sung and yet all is “in harmony.” Though many of us appreciate such diversity when in filling out a song, it comes as no surprise that diversity in groups can be uncomfortable. Humans tend to gravitate to those with whom they share commonalities. Diversity comes on many levels: surface levels such as appearance and demographical differences exist, as do deeper levels of difference on issues of beliefs and values (Burn 232-233). However, just as different harmonies have their place and their role in beautifying a single song, diversity can enhance social process. The “value-in-diversity hypothesis” suggests that encouraging diversity in a group creates positive outcomes. Diversifying the skills, perspectives, and knowledge bases represented also increases the skills available to the group, the knowledge presented in group discussion, and perspectives through which each topic is weighed. Diversity viewed in this way enhances group productivity and strengthens collective decisions (Burn 243).
Just as diversity potentially strengthens a group it also presents greater opportunity for conflict. Heavy with the connotation of pain and loss, conflict seems to increase the incentive to work towards group homogenization. Some, however, paint a different picture of the role of conflict. Freedom of choice and the differences between people simultaneously enrich our lives and lead to disagreements. Conflict then, is normal and natural (Lederach 117). If this is so, then peace can hardly be the absence of such conflict but rather the way in which we work through the inevitable disagreements. Musically, we often prefer songs in which interest is added through dissonance. For example, many hymns which have been preserved and passed down through generations embrace this clash and resolve. Even "Amazing Grace" allows for a few minor chords, and "Great is Thy Faithfulness" exemplifies several instances of dissonance and resolution within the inner voices. Many of our favorite musical pieces show us the beauty of moving through conflict toward resolution; a movement which enriches the entire experience. Likewise, conflict handled constructively can deepen our relationships, strengthen our decisions, and instigate positive change (Burn 202).
In his book The Moral Imagination author John Paul Lederach writes that metaphor, “creates an image of what the experience of living in the world is like” (72). Next time you hear music, listen for the metaphor of “living in harmony.” Listen for the individuality of the various parts joined in creating one song. Revel in the movement through dissonance toward resolution. Music calls these phenomena normal and in turn we call it beautiful.
Sources used:
Burn, Shawn Meghan. Groups: Theory and Practice. Canada:Thomson Wadsworth, 2004. Print.
Lederach, John Paul. The Journey Towards Reconciliation. Scottdale, PA: Herald Press, 1999. Print.
Lederach, John Paul. The Moral Imagination. New York: Oxford University Press, 2005. Print.
A soloist, singing a tune alone can be awe inspiring; and unison singing where all sing the same note is beautiful in its own way. Often, however, I find myself missing the other notes that make up the chord. Many different parts sung or played together to make up one musical piece creates a special kind of beauty. Such diversity is present in most songs. With common knowledge about the song and the key a wide variety of notes can be sung and yet all is “in harmony.” Though many of us appreciate such diversity when in filling out a song, it comes as no surprise that diversity in groups can be uncomfortable. Humans tend to gravitate to those with whom they share commonalities. Diversity comes on many levels: surface levels such as appearance and demographical differences exist, as do deeper levels of difference on issues of beliefs and values (Burn 232-233). However, just as different harmonies have their place and their role in beautifying a single song, diversity can enhance social process. The “value-in-diversity hypothesis” suggests that encouraging diversity in a group creates positive outcomes. Diversifying the skills, perspectives, and knowledge bases represented also increases the skills available to the group, the knowledge presented in group discussion, and perspectives through which each topic is weighed. Diversity viewed in this way enhances group productivity and strengthens collective decisions (Burn 243).
Just as diversity potentially strengthens a group it also presents greater opportunity for conflict. Heavy with the connotation of pain and loss, conflict seems to increase the incentive to work towards group homogenization. Some, however, paint a different picture of the role of conflict. Freedom of choice and the differences between people simultaneously enrich our lives and lead to disagreements. Conflict then, is normal and natural (Lederach 117). If this is so, then peace can hardly be the absence of such conflict but rather the way in which we work through the inevitable disagreements. Musically, we often prefer songs in which interest is added through dissonance. For example, many hymns which have been preserved and passed down through generations embrace this clash and resolve. Even "Amazing Grace" allows for a few minor chords, and "Great is Thy Faithfulness" exemplifies several instances of dissonance and resolution within the inner voices. Many of our favorite musical pieces show us the beauty of moving through conflict toward resolution; a movement which enriches the entire experience. Likewise, conflict handled constructively can deepen our relationships, strengthen our decisions, and instigate positive change (Burn 202).
In his book The Moral Imagination author John Paul Lederach writes that metaphor, “creates an image of what the experience of living in the world is like” (72). Next time you hear music, listen for the metaphor of “living in harmony.” Listen for the individuality of the various parts joined in creating one song. Revel in the movement through dissonance toward resolution. Music calls these phenomena normal and in turn we call it beautiful.
Sources used:
Burn, Shawn Meghan. Groups: Theory and Practice. Canada:Thomson Wadsworth, 2004. Print.
Lederach, John Paul. The Journey Towards Reconciliation. Scottdale, PA: Herald Press, 1999. Print.
Lederach, John Paul. The Moral Imagination. New York: Oxford University Press, 2005. Print.
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